The Blissful Years

I typically share my experiences in suffering trials and how God refines me through them. I pretty much have a whole vault of suffering stories in my blog because it was such a focal point in my early-mid 20s. It seems now that a focal point for the past few years I have been blessed with what I call "the blissful years." It has been a long season filled with everything opposite of suffering to the point where many times I was anxious of what the next trial may be. Most days my inner voice would say, "It's too good for nothing to happen. What's the next suffering for character development?" With that, I've realized that I've become pessimistic when it comes to God's grace in the bliss he is granting me. I believe God is a good God and gives all good things as it pleases him, but I find that I am consistently coaching myself to prepare for a curveball; for a hike down the valley. I've finally had an epiphany in which my thinking has been reframed in this season of "the blissful years". In observing my own thoughts, I was made aware that God may refine us in suffering, but he also uses our blessings as a point of sanctification as well. My suffering gave me humility so that in my blessings I would be tested to see if I'd still humble myself before the Lord. I have found that these blissful years have refined me just as much as those past years of suffering.

That was a long intro into the sharing of God's blessings into "the blissful years". I want to share my joy and the peace I've been so undeserving to live. Never in my life could I imagine the life I have right now. I did not see myself to be someone who would have the opportunities provided to me from the start of my career to now. It has been a long decade…as I take a step back to see the full picture, I see how God's hands pieced together my every development in my career achievements to be who I am today as a person. God used my career journey as a tool to refine / sanctify me so I'd be equipped for his Kingdom work—a filled cup to be poured out for the Church.

I started out as an infant professional in the workforce who was insecure and doubtful of my abilities. I was an IT Help Desk intern who quite frankly did not know what she was doing—who was weaning into the reality of even being a working professional. Yet, in my internship the Director of IT saw my natural skills and worked with me to improve those skills through paid training. He gave me a full time position where not only was I able to exercise my natural skills, but I was also able to properly apply my learned skills and even pursue training in national conferences. Before I knew it, I was a 21 year old professional managing projects within IT. At the time I felt mediocre in my line of work, yet I was receiving praise for the work I did. So much so that I transitioned into a role that led projects across the organization. I created technological solutions that literally changed the way the local government did things. I was given projects with high visibility that enabled me to work directly with Public Officials like the County Administrator, Mayor, Chief of Police, Judges, even the Secretary of State, and so many more leaders I couldn't have dreamt to lead initiatives in as a 22-23 year old. At some point during my time as a professional in this organization, I remember being in awe of how God so graciously brought me to a place of success so quickly. I truthfully would have been a happy Crystal if I was an individual contributor who was considered a C+ worker, but God had other plans for me. I remember being called "the rising star" by the District Attorney and how news of my work spread amongst leaders; I remember how I was selected as the Millennial professional to speak on a panel with the political leaders of the 5 cities in the KC Metro areas as the audience; I remember the moments where I couldn’t believe the accolades I was receiving because it didn’t align with my level of exertion as a professional. There wasn't a moment of time where I didn't question God, "Is this real life?"

After working in the public sector for almost 5 years, I left for the private sector where I told myself, "Surely my recognition and performance at my old organization was just a fluke. This is a big private sector with many people where I'll just be another fish in the sea." Low and behold, a couple months into my new role at the organization, I was being recognized and praised by a few Directors regarding my project management performance and innovative solutions. I remember this day as if it was yesterday…I had just ended my project meeting and walked into the elevator. The President of the business who was in the meeting I was leading asked for who I reported to in the Project Management Office (PMO). Minutes after I sat down, my Manager called me to his office and told me he needed to talk to me about the meeting I just had. I nervously went to his office, where he proceeded to inform me that he received an email from XX with the subject line, "Crystal Yang - very impressive" and the body reading, "great hire." In spite of this email, I thought to myself, "Just a one-off thing”. Before I had time to settle myself into my new role at a new organization, I was promoted to the succeeding level in my PMO. Within months, I found myself receiving many unique opportunities of growth in my organization. I worked with Presidents of businesses within my organization, Executive Directors, and many leaders who found favor in me and sponsored me in my career. Not only that, I was given opportunities to be in training programs that opened my mind to new skills, philosophies, and school of thoughts. Since my time here at my organization, I've had over 20 months of professional development training in 4 different cohorts where select individuals must meet high performing results and literally be hand picked. I am still perplexed with how someone like me can sit at the table with leaders, let alone the CEO of the organization. After 2 years of my first promotion, I was promoted to a senior in my department and became someone my PMO leadership team depended on for tasks when they required high quality results.

Strangely enough, through all these tangible affirmations of my skills and talents (till this day) I find it so hard to believe that I am capable of being a "high performer'' who goes "above and beyond” because I personally did not try or go out of my way to be set apart. I have exclaimed to my manager many times, "What if I'm actually not that talented? What if because I'm the only Asian within our PMO, you don't have a leveled way to measure me? What if there were other Asians or people of color in our PMO, would I still be recognized as someone talented?" You can call this imposter syndrome...but I am in disbelief because truly I do not feel like I am deserving of any success. I could have had zero skills and God could have still raised me up. It could have been easy to allow all the success thrown into my lap to get to my head. If I am being honest with myself, there were moments where my flesh did lean into the praise and glory that came with being set apart from my peers and the other 6,000+ employees in the organization. While I am being honest, I imagined who I would be if I did not suffer, was not humbled, and did not experience God's strength in my weakness. I would be someone filled with pride, arrogance, and belief that I was responsible for my success. I imagined myself to be a tyrannical wife, egotistical friend, and a believer of Christ but lacking his Lordship. I am forever grateful for the successes God has granted me. But I am even more so on my knees giving thanks because God granted me suffering to understand my dependence on him regardless of a career that one may easily bypass as independent from God's hand. 

So here it is, an experience of mine that does not focus on lessons learned from suffering! If you've made it this far, congratulations! In July (2023) I hit my 5 year anniversary at Commerce Bank, in which I've held 3 different roles. As of October, I am excited to share that I've been given the opportunity to take on a new role as for the Project Management Office. This is personally an exciting role for me because I will be able to expound on my passion versus my skills. I am praying for wisdom to lead my new team, and most definitely for humility in my season of "the blissful years." Truly, God did this...he possessed all that I have today and graciously gave it to someone like me who is so undeserving. Nevertheless, I hope I can steward this new role well and boldly display Christ in my leadership. To conclude, seasons of suffering are never for nothing. The lessons learned there hold a place for what God has prepared for me in my continuing sanctification. Likewise, the seasons of bliss have lessons learned just as meaningful that leads to holiness as well—not all character development occurs in only suffering. If I wrote out all the things I learned from just this season of bliss, it would be a novel and possibly so much more content than my blogs on suffering.

Also, I just want to thank my friends who encouraged me to write about the success in my career journey! They reminded me that God's work in triumph is just as worthy to be shared as God's work in suffering. He is good in the "bad" and good in the good!!! Thank you for letting me lean into what God's been teaching me in this blissful season.

CY